Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
