making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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