Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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