butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
