glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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