how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
True strength comes from lack of pants
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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