there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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