The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
