im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize