I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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