Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
