I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How naked do you want me to be?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
