So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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