you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just pee around me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
