I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
