the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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