she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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