Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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