come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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