She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
