Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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