I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
