Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
