im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
