glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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