Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize