He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
