Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
