Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
