hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
