So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
