I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
