pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
