you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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