called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize