babies were throwing up all over the place
Too much gin, very little bucket
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Damn victory sex feels great
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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