spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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