if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
