Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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