But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
