You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
