thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do vagina's smell?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
