Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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