my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
