If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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