Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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