then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
