I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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