This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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