Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
