I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize