I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
