i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize