If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
