It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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