I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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