How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just pynch a tree in the face
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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