he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
