At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
