I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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