"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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