So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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