i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
