That's intense
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
