Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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