I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
