I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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