Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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