Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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