i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
