I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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