there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
