She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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