Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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