Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
