listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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