'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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