it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Drunk is not a location!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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