pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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