you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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