I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so much tequila, so little girl.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You left your phone here
Wait...
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