remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
