i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
