Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
